Tag Archives: stress

Woo Hoo! Back To School! (Part 2)

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Part 1 of my back-to-school blog covered basics of ensuring a smooth transition for you and your child(ren) as a new school year begins. This post focuses on the back-to-school “jitters” and those children who truly get anxious.

Not only do students encounter beginning-of-school jitters, but teachers and school staff also feel the emotions of a new year, a new beginning.  I worked in schools for 30 years and can safely affirm that I rarely had a good night’s sleep the night before school started.  It’s a natural phenomenon to get excited, scared, eager, or overwhelmed at the start of something new. Although some accept change with ease and slip into new experiences with little fanfare, others just – well – worry, stress, and get anxious.

The following tips (extrapolated from NASP “Back to School Transitions: Tips for Parents”) are to help those of you with children who are beginning school soon and tend to get anxious.

  • The first few days may be rough; try not to overreact. Particularly the younger student may suffer separation anxiety after a summer with parents and loose schedules. School personnel are trained to deal with children who may have a hard time adjusting.  Best advice:  Drop off your child without lingering, say “I love you and will be back at the end of the day,” then leave.
  • Talk to your child and let them know that you care. Model optimism and confidence and reinforce your belief in their ability to cope. Tell them that it’s o.k. to be nervous about starting something new, but he/she will be fine once they become more familiar with their new surroundings. Best advice:  Send positive, short notes in their lunch box or backpack and listen to any concerns when they arrive home. Reinforce positives as they discuss their school day.
  • Try to remain calm and positive about any bad experiences from the previous year. Those who had a difficult school year may have more anxiety about their return to school. Children who were teased or bullied, those encountering academic problems or any other difficulties may be reluctant to start another year with a positive attitude. Best advice: Talk to school personnel before school begins about this and then reassure your child that this is a new year and a fresh start. Reinforce that you will be working with the school to ensure a smooth school year and prevention of further issues.
  • Give your child strategies to cope if they are feeling anxious. Be open with the school and keep open communication with your child’s teachers. Encourage your child to tell you or the teacher if problems continue.  Best advice: Maintain open communication with your child and your child’s teacher.
  • Try to allow your child to meet with other students and school friends before the first day to ease your child into the new academic year. Best advice: Encourage your older child to contact friends, or if your child is younger, call the parents yourself to schedule play dates.
  • Plan to volunteer in your child’s classroom periodically throughout the year. This reinforces to your child that you are interested in their learning and that school and family are communicating. Additionally, you are building relationships with teachers, classmates, and other school personnel, as well as learning about classroom routines and atmosphere. Best advice: Even if you can’t regularly volunteer, periodic parent help is often welcomed and only benefits your child.

If your child’s anxiety becomes problematic, extreme in nature, or lasts for an extended period, make an appointment to speak with the teacher or school psychologist. More in-school support may be indicated or other resources in the school or community may be suggested. Remember: most children are very resilient and with support, encouragement, and communication will be able to have a successful school year.

Leave me a comment if you liked this entry.  I’d love to hear from you!  Any suggestions for future entries?  Let me know.

ADHD–Part I

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ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) often comes to my attention in my private practice; it’s frequently the reason that parents call me for help with their child. I worked in the school system for many years and ADHD was the most frequent reason that children were referred to me for assessment, counseling, or parent and teacher consultation.  What exactly is ADHD and how can I manage my child, both at home and at school?

ADHD is one of the most common chronic health conditions affecting school-age children.  It is a specific developmental disorder with respect to controlling and/or regulating behaviors, impulses, and/or attention, and is observed in both children and adults.  About  5-8% of the childhood population and 4-5% of the adult population meets the criteria for ADHD that has been established and researched by the medical field.  The latest research now points to ADHD as a disorder of inhibition and self-regulation.  Although their have been many names for this disorder, it is now referred to as ADHD.

What causes ADHD? There is a very strong biological contribution to its occurrence although specific causes have not yet been determined. Several genes associated with the disorder have been identified, however, it is such a complex disorder, it’s almost certain that more genes will likely be identified. Given that ADHD represents a set of complex behavioral traits, a single gene is unlikely to account fully for this disorder.  The popular notions that excessive sugar, food additives, excessive TV viewing, or poor behavioral management by parents contribute in some way to ADHD have not been supported by research. Factors that MAY contribute outside heredity include difficulties during pregnancy, prenatal exposure to tobacco and alcohol, prematurity or low birth weight, excessive lead levels in the body, as well as postnatal injury to the prefrontal area of the brain.

ADHD presents with both core and peripheral, or related, symptoms that tend to occur together to spell this diagnosis. The core symptoms are related to inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. Peripheral symptoms include academic problems, social skills deficits, behavioral problems, and other disorders such as anxiety or depression.  The expression of ADHD is highly variable so that all children won’t likely have all of the core and peripheral symptoms. Individuals with ADHD demonstrate vast differences from each other within the ADHD diagnosis.

Given the above, there are specific diagnostic criteria for ADHD, too numerous to mention here. To reach a diagnosis of ADHD, symptoms must cause impairment in school, social, or work settings and signs of this must present before age 7.  Some impairment must be present in two or more settings (such as school AND home). The symptoms must not be better accounted for by other mental disorders, such as anxiety disorder, mood disorder, dissociative disorder, or a personality disorder, nor can it be explained by a different diagnosis, a stressful experience, or any other factor within the child’s environment.  Finally, the child’s symptoms must create dysfunction for the child in areas such as academic performance and interpersonal relationships.

There are three types of ADHD based on specific diagnostic criteria:

  • ADHD, predominantly inattentive type:  This is identified if criteria for inattention are met, but criteria for hyperactivity/impulsivity are not met for the past 6 months.
  • ADHD, predominantly hyperactive/impulsive type:  Identified if criteria for hyperactivity/impulsivity are met but criteria for inattention are not met for the past 6 months.
  • ADHD, combined type:  If both criteria for inattention and hyperactivity/impulsivity are met for the past 6 months.

There is NO treatment that has been found to cure this disorder, but many treatments exist to help manage the symptoms.  Next time, I will write about assessment and treatment options for ADHD.  If you have any specific questions, please address them to me at rtlapidus@gmail.com or respond via this blog in the upper right corner’s speech balloon.

How Can I Help My Child When Terror Strikes?

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My first blog post was dedicated to Mary Sherlach, the school psychologist who was violently gunned down at Sandy Hook Elementary School. The death of 20 innocent children and 5 additional staff members profoundly affected me, mainly because I spent 30 years working in public schools.  It’s hard to wrap your hands around such violence and tragedy when those images hit so close to home and when the ability to visualize the scenario seems so real.

Now, once again, the frightening news of the Boston Marathon bombings surrounds us. Thinking of all the injured and uninjured athletes who only wanted to compete and enjoy this sporting event, along with the onlookers who experienced the terror around them, has once again scarred Americans and people from around the globe. The availability of instant media access, Internet, and social media has allowed horrific images and constant news coverage to inundate our society.

But what about the children? As a parent, therapist, citizen, and educator, the death of an 8 year-old and the injuries suffered by several other children breaks my heart. Although we as adults try to process our own grief, we also need to help our children process theirs. How do we help our children understand terrorist attacks, frightening news, and their emotions surrounding these events?

These events are frightening. These events are upsetting. Children look to the reactions of their parents and other adults to figure out their own reactions. Parents can help their children by giving them a sense of security and safety. The National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) offers the following suggestions for all adults when helping children cope with these events and working through their emotions:

  • Model calm and control. Children take cues from adults in their lives.  Avoid appearing anxious and frightened.
  • Reassure children that they are safe. Help point out factors that ensure their safety.
  • Remind children that trustworthy people are in charge.  Explain that first responders and the government are working to ensure that no further tragedies will occur.
  • Let children know that it is ok to feel upset and frightened.  Explain that when a tragedy occurs, it is ok to feel upset and that talking about their feelings helps.  Adults may need to help children express feelings appropriately.
  • Tell children the truth.  Don’t pretend that the event has not occurred or is not serious. They may be more afraid if they think you are not telling them what is happening.
  • Stick to the facts. Don’t embellish the event or who might be responsible. With younger children, don’t dwell on the scale or scope of the tragedy.
  • Be careful to not stereotype people or countries that might be associated with the violence.  Children model parent’s negativity and develop prejudice. Talk tolerance and justice.  Stop any bullying or teasing immediately.
  • Explanations should be kept developmentally appropriate. Be a good listener to all children and allow them to verbalize their thoughts and feelings
    • Early Elementary children need brief, simple information balanced with reassurances that their daily structure will not change.
    • Upper Elementary and early middle school children will tend to ask more questions about whether they are really safe. Separation of reality from fantasy is important.
    • Upper Middle School and high school students will have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence and threats to safety in school and society. They will share suggestions about how to prevent tragedies in society. They may become more committed to action to help the victims and affected community.
  • Maintain normal routines.
  • Monitor and/or restrict viewing repeated scenes of the event as well as the aftermath.  For older children, encourage accessing coverage from multiple news sources.
  • Observe children’s emotional states.  Many children will not verbally express their concerns. Look for changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep patterns.  There is no right or wrong way to express fear or grief.
  • Be aware of children who are of greater risk.  This includes those who have experienced a past trauma, personal loss, suffer from depression or other mental illness, or those with special needs. Be observant of those who may be at risk for suicide. Seek professional help if you are concerned about your child.
  • Provide an appropriate outlet for children who desire to help.  Examples include cards, letters to families or survivors, thank you letters to doctors, first responders, nurses, etc.
  • Monitor your own stress level.  Don’t ignore your own feelings of anxiety, grief, and anger. Talk to friends, family, religious leader, and mental health workers.  Get appropriate sleep, exercise, and nutrition. It is ok to let your children know that you are sad, but you believe things will improve.
  • Keep communication open between home and school.  School is where children can experience normalcy. Schools can inform families of additional resources. Also let your child’s teacher know if he/she is having particular difficulty with the present situation.

I hope these tips from NASP were helpful.  Please contact me with comments or suggestions for future topics.