Category Archives: Counseling

Reflections on my Journey

Posted on by

It’s been 2 years that I have been self-employed as a therapist in private practice.  After 30 years in education, as a teacher (5 yrs.) and school psychologist (25 yrs.), I took the leap from public school retiree to opening my own practice. Before I jumped head first into the business world, I took one year off for reflection, rest, obtaining licensure as a professional counselor, and setting up my business.

I feel this is an apt time to reflect on my first two years post “retirement.”  Following are my thoughts, both good and bad, on how I’m doing. Maybe someone on a similar path can glean some useful information from my travels.

  • Retiring from my “profession” was both positive and negative. The first year was the most difficult. Some days I awoke with the feeling of total glee, and others were met with the troubling thought – what am I going to do today? It can get lonely when the nest is empty and the spouse works all day. I found the quietude refreshing at times, and at other times, difficult to tolerate.
  • I am a very social individual, so it became important to connect with people on a daily basis. At times I was so desperate, I would go to the grocery store just to talk to someone in line. My family laughs at me because they say I’ll talk to anyone for a connection!!
  • Studying for my licensing exam at age 50+ was challenging. I bought a study guide that was my bible for months, and studied, studied, studied. It became my goal for the first summer post retirement – get the license by September.  Setting a goal always helps!
  • Starting a business was exciting, risky, uncomfortable, challenging, and worth it! When service in public education is your career, business knowledge is as far away from your mindset as the Himalayas. Ask for help from anyone with business knowledge, even your son who has a degree in finance. Take a course, seek information, and get busy.
  • Finding an office was an adventure. I looked at various locations for months and nothing seemed to connect with me. Too small, too large, rent too high, building too old, etc. When my friend found the perfect office, I knew it right away (and so did she-thank you Kerry). I decided to work only part time, which enabled me to sublease to another therapist twice per week. (Hint, Hint – financially a good move since building a practice takes time). Part time hours also allows me to travel as the desire hits, which has proven to be an asset as a new addition was added to the family right before I retired.
  • It is very important to keep your skills and be a life-long learner. I personally love to learn new strategies, techniques, a different way of thinking about things, etc.  Continuing education is a necessity for my profession, so I’m constantly on my toes learning new things. In addition to seeing children and teens, I’ve also added adults to my clientele, which keeps me on the learning curve. When I need assistance professionally, I seek supervision from a certified supervisor who I’ve added to my resources.
  • Finally, I have to say that I love my “new” profession.  I decided to focus on counseling and reduce the psychological evaluations that had been a large part of my duties as a school psychologist. This was a good decision. My knowledge of public schools and special education is utilized frequently; I am grateful for my 30 years of experience.

My new path has brought me much satisfaction and joy. Although being a solo practitioner can be more isolating than working in schools, I enjoy my clientele and feel challenged when I am in the office. Maybe I’ll have to update this again in 2 years to see where my journey takes me then!

Bedtime Blues or Bliss?

Posted on by

One of the most frequent inquiries I get from parents involves children and bedtime issues. Even the best sleepers can go through a period of resistance to going to sleep. Why does this happen and what can you as a parent do to set up healthy sleep routines, or what I like to call a “sleep diet.”

Set bedtimes so your child gets the appropriate amount of sleep. Preschoolers generally require 11-13 hours/night, while school-aged children typically need about 10-11 hours.  Most children respond best to bedtime if a routine consisting of a set of activities that are the same EVERY night, including the weekends, is set up early in their lives. Activities may include a signal or warning that it is time to get ready for bed, readying for the next day (for older children), taking a bath, reading a book, conversing or maybe even singing a soothing song.

Still, some children refuse to go to sleep. Very young children may become fearful and experience separation anxiety (a general fear of something happening to their parent(s) while they are asleep). Children ages 4-6 may experience more specific fears, such as fear of monsters, darkness or fear of having a bad dream—all normal for this age group. In the 3-10 age range, disturbing dreams may occur, peaking at about age 10. And teenagers may suffer from disturbances in their sleep cycles due to puberty, hormonal imbalances or stressors such as growing up, college or career plans, relationships or other social concerns.

How parents handle the reasons for their child’s resistance or difficulty getting to bed will play an important part in outcomes. When the child’s resistance persists and becomes a learned behavior and parents give in to the child due to their own fatigue or other reasons, rules are relaxed and new behaviors pop up. The child learns that nagging, whining, crying, stalling, one more drink of water, etc. will put off going to bed.

You may be noticing a common theme in my posts—CONSISTENCY! As with time-out and grounding, consistency is the key. Inconsistency can turn good behaviors bad and make bad behaviors worse. When parents try to buckle down after rules have been loosened for a time, the child learns to push back harder to get what he/she wants. Riding this roller coaster may cause you and your child to lock horns in a battle over bedtime that nobody wants to endure.

So, as a parent, what can I do to attain bedtime bliss? Here are several suggestions:

  • Establish effective bedtime routines that include—the same bedtime each night, quiet time for one hour before bedtime, providing time cues for bedtime, story time, etc.  You set the routine however it works for your household, but once you’ve set it, keep it consistent!
  • Provide healthy daily routines for your child including good nutrition, physical activity during the day to promote sleep at night, and no violent video games or TV shows before bed.
  • One “get out of bed free” pass.  The child receives a ticket to be used ONCE per night to get a drink or ask a question of the parent. This ticket may not be used more than once per night. This technique may work for some as it feels like fun to your child and gives them a little leeway for any problem they may have getting to bed.
  • Planned ignoring is a technique in which the parent makes it clear that once the child is in bed and the routine is complete, no more interactions will occur.  If the child objects, then the parent ignores the child and provides no further attention.  That means NOT responding to questions, comments or statements from the child. If he gets out of bed, escort him back to bed with minimal interaction.  Expect an increase in negative behaviors for several nights, but the child will eventually learn to go to sleep without protest. This usually takes about three nights. Planned ignoring is often most difficult for parents; hence, set the routine early.

Next week, I will continue with this topic and focus on more serious sleep issues. Stay tuned, and as usual, send me a note and let me know what you think.  Any topics you want explored?

 

 

Will Giving Teachers Guns Really Make Schools Safer?

Posted on by

The tragedy in Newton, CT has created a national and state gun control debate with emotions often running high on all sides. It is a very complex issue with many branches of concern: gun ownership and background checks, access to ammunition, availability of mental health services (and lack thereof), and constitutional issues, to name just a few.

One question that repeatedly arises is whether school personnel should carry guns on school campuses. Let me start by saying I am firmly opposed to arming teachers, or any school staff for that matter. I have always believed that schools should be violence-free zones that support the primary mission of LEARNING. In instances where police officers are employed to protect our children, guns carried by those individuals align with their duty and training. But, after a 30-year career in public education, I cannot fathom that the act of teachers “packing” will make children feel safer, their parents feel safer, staff feel safer, or create any sense of an overall “safe” school community.

Our challenge is to act together to foster an environment in which children and staff feel safe and nurtured, and where the prevention of violence in the first place is equal to the goal of learning.

How do we get there? What will it take? We should always be looking ahead toward improvement, whether in our jobs, in our neighborhoods and towns, and of course, in our schools. How can we make our schools both safer and better prepared for emergencies?

NASP (National Association for School Psychologists) has been instrumental in proposing policy and practice recommendations to most effectively address school safety. One recommendation is to increase the availability of mental health services in schools across the country.

President Obama’s task force has suggested placing additional school psychologists, social workers, and resource officers in schools to address the increasing need for mental health services for students and staff. As a counselor and school psychologist, and one who personally knows the value of these services, I believe this should be of the highest priority. There are always too few mental health providers employed in schools to meet the increasingly complex needs of far too many students and families.

Other NASP recommendations include: creating safe and supportive schools that promote learning, psychological health, and student success; considering both the physical and psychological health of students (when children feel unsafe, their ability to learn and concentrate suffers); improving screening and threat assessment procedures to identify and help individuals at risk for causing harm to themselves and others; establishing and training school crisis and safety teams; reducing the stigma around mental health; addressing as a society children’s exposure to violence on TV, in video games, and in homes and neighborhoods, especially in vulnerable populations; and finally, current policies and legislation related to access to firearms by those who have the potential to cause harm to themselves or others must be addressed.

This is a monumental and multifaceted challenge to consider, and yet a necessary one. Tell me what you think about these proposals and how they will affect you or your children. Could you add to the above list of recommendations?  Please leave a response. I would love to hear from you!

Mary Sherlach: School Psychologist, Teacher, Hero

Posted on by

 

This is a beginning for me in many ways. After 30 years in public education, I am developing a private practice and launching my first EVER blog. This first post is dedicated to the memory of Mary Sherlach, school psychologist, who was killed in the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School when she charged out of a meeting upon hearing gunshots in the hallway.

While I never actually met Mary, as a fellow school psychologist, I feel like I knew her personally. We were similar in many ways—nearly identical in age; both married with two children; she was to retire soon while I had recently retired from a nearby school district; and most notably, from what I’ve read, we both cherished our careers working with children and families and felt honored to be able to help others.

I was deeply impacted by the horrific nature of her death. Having been in similar such meetings countless times during the course of my career, I continue to visualize this scenario over and over in my own mind.  As I listened to news reports and read endless articles about Mary’s act of courage, tears flowed from recognition of her instinctual response to run into the face of danger in order to help others, with no second thoughts about herself or her own safety.

But even though intellectually I understand her actions, asking “why” is a normal response to sudden tragedies, and mental health professionals aren’t immune to questioning.

Over the days and weeks following the Newtown incident, I repeatedly questioned (and continue to question) why this talented woman who dedicated her entire career serving children and families, a woman acclaimed by colleagues, family and students, could in one minute be likely discussing a student’s future and in the next be so violently taken from this earth. What began as a typical day with Mary working quietly behind the scenes to help create a successful school experience for the children at Sandy Hook, ended with her name splashed across the front pages of newspapers across the country.

As time passes, I realize that my strong reaction is not only for the senseless deaths of those 20 precious children and 6 staff members, but also for Mary’s bravery, her display of amazing courage and caring, and how proud I am to be a school psychologist like her.

Mary was quickly and rightfully labeled a hero for her selfless actions. And while I enjoy the luxury of embarking on this next phase in my life, I dedicate this to Mary Sherlach, school psychologist, wife, mother, friend, teacher, hero.

Please feel free to respond with your thoughts and/or comments. I welcome your feedback.