Category Archives: Goals

Reflections on my Journey

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It’s been 2 years that I have been self-employed as a therapist in private practice.  After 30 years in education, as a teacher (5 yrs.) and school psychologist (25 yrs.), I took the leap from public school retiree to opening my own practice. Before I jumped head first into the business world, I took one year off for reflection, rest, obtaining licensure as a professional counselor, and setting up my business.

I feel this is an apt time to reflect on my first two years post “retirement.”  Following are my thoughts, both good and bad, on how I’m doing. Maybe someone on a similar path can glean some useful information from my travels.

  • Retiring from my “profession” was both positive and negative. The first year was the most difficult. Some days I awoke with the feeling of total glee, and others were met with the troubling thought – what am I going to do today? It can get lonely when the nest is empty and the spouse works all day. I found the quietude refreshing at times, and at other times, difficult to tolerate.
  • I am a very social individual, so it became important to connect with people on a daily basis. At times I was so desperate, I would go to the grocery store just to talk to someone in line. My family laughs at me because they say I’ll talk to anyone for a connection!!
  • Studying for my licensing exam at age 50+ was challenging. I bought a study guide that was my bible for months, and studied, studied, studied. It became my goal for the first summer post retirement – get the license by September.  Setting a goal always helps!
  • Starting a business was exciting, risky, uncomfortable, challenging, and worth it! When service in public education is your career, business knowledge is as far away from your mindset as the Himalayas. Ask for help from anyone with business knowledge, even your son who has a degree in finance. Take a course, seek information, and get busy.
  • Finding an office was an adventure. I looked at various locations for months and nothing seemed to connect with me. Too small, too large, rent too high, building too old, etc. When my friend found the perfect office, I knew it right away (and so did she-thank you Kerry). I decided to work only part time, which enabled me to sublease to another therapist twice per week. (Hint, Hint – financially a good move since building a practice takes time). Part time hours also allows me to travel as the desire hits, which has proven to be an asset as a new addition was added to the family right before I retired.
  • It is very important to keep your skills and be a life-long learner. I personally love to learn new strategies, techniques, a different way of thinking about things, etc.  Continuing education is a necessity for my profession, so I’m constantly on my toes learning new things. In addition to seeing children and teens, I’ve also added adults to my clientele, which keeps me on the learning curve. When I need assistance professionally, I seek supervision from a certified supervisor who I’ve added to my resources.
  • Finally, I have to say that I love my “new” profession.  I decided to focus on counseling and reduce the psychological evaluations that had been a large part of my duties as a school psychologist. This was a good decision. My knowledge of public schools and special education is utilized frequently; I am grateful for my 30 years of experience.

My new path has brought me much satisfaction and joy. Although being a solo practitioner can be more isolating than working in schools, I enjoy my clientele and feel challenged when I am in the office. Maybe I’ll have to update this again in 2 years to see where my journey takes me then!

To Spank or Not to Spank? That is the Question!

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As my private practice continues to grow, I find it has become more difficult to keep up with blogging. My new goal is to try to complete a new entry at least once per month. Here we go:

Parents often ask me about spanking: Is it o.k. to spank? Should I try another type of discipline? My child doesn’t respond to timeout—what should I do? And on and on…. It is a controversial topic and one on which many parents disagree.

After 30 years in public education and 1 ½ in private practice, I have never waivered in regards to my feelings about spanking. I don’t believe any type of physical hitting or violence is ever justified. Although my own children will tell you that I have raised my voice on more than one occasion when feeling an urgent amount of stress, I never resorted to hitting, spanking or any physical violence as they grew up. I think it’s fair to say that all parents want to raise kind, motivated, responsible, non-violent and confident children. It is my personal and professional belief that hitting and/or spanking actually undermines these goals.

Just this week, an article in the journal Pediatrics outlined the results of a study titled Spanking and Child Development Across the First Decade of Life, in which researchers examined the relationship between spanking and children’s behavior and vocabulary through age 9. Parental reports of spanking were assessed at ages 3 and 5, along with instances of aggressive behavior.

Overall, 57% of mothers and 40% of fathers engaged in spanking when children were age 3, and 52% of mothers and 33% of fathers engaged in spanking with children at age 5. Maternal spanking at age 5, even at low levels, was associated with levels of child aggressive behavior at age 9. Fathers’ high-frequency spanking of children at age 5 was associated with lower child receptive vocabulary scores at age 9.

The authors concluded that not only is spanking still used as a typical form of discipline by many American parents, but also that spanking has proven to have negative effects on both the behavior and cognitive development of young children.

I found this study to be interesting for several reasons: 1) The actual percentage of “spankers” was a bit higher than I realized; 2) Throughout my career, I have consistently counseled/educated/voiced my opinion to parents about the importance of NOT spanking, hitting or perpetrating any form of violence on their children, thus this study validated my beliefs; and 3) the study is current, had a large sample, and used a control population, deeming is scientifically sound.

Like many things, it’s easy to tell parents NOT to spank, but that’s just not enough—we must provide them education about other more healthy techniques for managing their children’s behavior (see my earlier posts about time-out, for example).

More emphasis needs to be placed on providing children the tools necessary to resolve conflicts without hitting, to manage stress in their lives, to learn empathy for others and to communicate and interact with others respectfully. Spanking is a short-term response that ultimately fails to teach children what we want them to learn over a long period of time.

So, if To Spank or Not to Spank is the question, the outcome of this study suggests that Not to Spank is most definitely the answer.

Please tell me how you feel about this topic by leaving a response above.  If you feel that you need to speak to a helping professional, contact me, your child’s teacher/school, or seek counseling from a reliable therapist. As always, thank you kindly for reading.